Next Phase

As I have mentioned during several of my recent blog posts, during the recent past I have had a nagging, trending, inward momentum towards simplicity that won't go away: it involves the necessity for me to lighten up, and let go of things, literally and figuratively.

The artistic side of me loves to be inspired. I love to have a home that is comfortable and beautiful and welcoming to all who come to visit. I love the challenge of creating a cohesive whole, and presenting room by room as if it were a piece of art to be lived in, to be enjoyed, to be cherished. It begs the question, why do we have the things we do? Why THIS lamp and not that one? Why this piece of art and not something else or a blank wall altogether? Does the burden of caring for, dusting, storing, or moving this THING outweigh the benefit of its functionality or beauty? I have been asking this question about everything.

And it is leading me on a journey of lightening up. I would love love love to have like 30 or 40 pieces of clothing TOPS, and have my whole wardrobe be simple, beautiful, artistic, and work together. I would love to have clean and relatively empty closets holding JUST what I need and nothing more. I would love to have one simple little jewelry box with only my favorite pieces, and find the rest new homes. And though I almost cannot live without books (and dream of a future library in my house), I am learning to let go of those, too - by making a list, so I can remember what I've read, and then donating, giving or loaning the ones that I am likely to not read again. New homes, and a new life for that object!

I think the next phase of my life has some exciting things coming my way - and I want to be able to jump at them, go at any moment, make a life shift if necessary, and "travel light."

Towards these efforts over the past several months, Phil and I have been trying to lighten up (baby steps, mind you!) but have done the following:

1) gotten rid of both our guest bedrooms! we sold the beds, (thank you craigslist!), and even some of the bedding. This gives us better space for home offices, and functional space in our home. We did decide we need at least one guest bed, but this time around we went NATURAL a la Soaring Heart Bed Company (love love love!) here in Seattle. If you are in need of a bed - go visit them!

2) recycled probably 100 lbs of old magazines (how did we get all these?!), saving only the best bits and organizing them into a binder or two.

3) created a yard sale pile (woohooo!)

4) this weekend we will be building a shed in our backyard so that we can combine all of our tools, yard implements and other storage into one location and get rid of Phil's storage unit (saving $160/month!)

5) sold our upstairs sofa, and swapped in our love seat from our bedroom - $450 in our pockets, and now more space in our bedroom and in the family room!

6) we continue to sell things on craigslist and e-bay when we find something we don't need or use.

Admittedly, we have a ways to go - i.e. I could use serious help with my closet (even though I don't have that many clothes). There are still too many. But box by box, closet by closet, bag by donated bag ... we will get there! Hopefully sooner than later, we will be down to just the things we LOVE and USE.

I am excited to read a couple more books in the near future on this topic - one that is written by a power-house on decluttering. And the other, on voluntary simplicity. I will post again if they are helpful. :) In the meanwhile, here is to letting go!

Travel Light

Every day I mourn the loss of Hailey. I still cannot accept the idea that she is gone, and I look for her everywhere - in my dreams, in visits from unusual birds, and anywhere else where I might see a glimpse of her beauty, her slight, elegant presence, and her joy.

The irony of losing someone, especially someone like Hailey, so young and beautiful and full of life, is that along with the heavy lump of stone lodged in the stomach and the heart, is the reminder that life is to be lived in the now, out of beauty and joy, acceptance and light.

It is a big reminder to lighten up - figuratively and literally. Too often (especially recently) I feel weighted down with ideas, internal struggles, and the stuff of life. I want to open doors and closets in my mind and in my life and see space. It may not make any sense, but I want all the room I need for the fullness of living today. It reminds me of a favorite image and quote from an old advertisement I found years ago that I plastered to the side of my home-made photography portfolio case, which simply said, "Travel light."

And I want to more quickly let go of the little slights, the disappointments, the hurt feelings that come along with simply being human. I imagine the grace of older women (and some older men) who have truly learned how to live life in beauty and grace - and I think mostly this requires acceptance and developing the art of letting go. Foregoing the struggle of trying to shape things, and instead simply accepting what needs accepting, and letting go of the rest.

Hailey reminds me that tomorrow is too late to develop these habits -- today is the time to let go, to live in joy, and to travel light.

Grief :: Love Beyond Death

It is a heavy thing to sit down to write a post about death. This past year has been an amazing and life-changing year, for many reasons, and most recently, a heart-breakingly difficult month. There are certain events in life that serve as major monuments, visual and emotional markers for where life took a turn. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. But for those monuments, life might be a little too comfortable, a pathway of complacency in our day to day choices, like driving along on autopilot.

This past year of my life has been full of some pretty major monuments. Beginning with meeting the love of my life last fall, and proceeding into the loss of my grandmother, a new marriage, multiple miscarriages and hospital stays and the grief that accompanies the loss of new life and repeated hopes gained and lost, and charging ever forward and headlong directly into the sudden and shocking death of my baby sister just over two weeks ago. Life sure has a way of rattling one's cage.

A friend recently told me "Grief is the ultimate expression of love." That phrase has stayed with me for days now, and as I grieve, I remember that it is an emotion born of love, and though grief at times feels dark and overwhelming and even so very lonely, it is after all rooted in love, which is an emotion of connection and warmth and strength. And I try to stay in that place and rest awhile. With mom's death, we had months to grieve ... months in advance to process, to remember, to actively love and be with mom. It did not make her death any easier, but it did give us a certain amount of time to become acquainted with Grief, become familiar with a knowing companion, a dark shadow that was always there, waiting, breathing with us.

When Grief arrives at your doorstep, a product of sudden tragedy, it is an entirely different kind of companion. Though in the end, Grief's arrival is never welcome, however it arrives.

And yet, the very thing that makes life so beautiful and precious is Grief. How else would we learn to cherish every single moment? How else do we train and retrain ourselves not to become lost in our days, cruising along on autopilot? Grief, like a drill sergeant, forces us to remember.

Because until we are actually bending over the lid of a handmade casket, writing a final message to our loved one, placing objects into the casket that will hold her remains in her final resting place, we have no way of experiencing that loss or the magnitude of the impact such an event will have on our lives: we have to experience actual Grief to understand, to remember, to change, to process just how precious each day should be to us.

Writing about death is really writing about life. In the absence of Grief, we should be living with the same appreciative and knowing steps with which we are reminded to proceed following loss and tragedy. (And yet, too often we don't). Knowing that life is really about today, not tomorrow, that life is about this very minute, not the next, and making decisions that are consistent with our values about how life should be lived right now. Because right now is really all we have. And though there are phrases and hallmark cards and a gazillion other seemingly trite ways to remind ourselves of this reality, there is truly nothing like Grief to make this reality known to us, and to leave a lasting imprint on our souls, our habits and our day to day lives moving forward.

The photograph directly above, more than any other, captures for me the reality of the depths of life, and the reality of a family of 8, who has lost two of its members - two magical, beautiful, young creatures full of energy, life and yes, magic. They brought people, including their family, together. They made friends into family, and enemies into friends. They led lives that continue to shine through all who knew them. Which is what makes having known them so amazingly joyful, and their loss so devastatingly difficult - so deep, and dark and incomprehensible at times.

It is perhaps not so ironic then that the things that tear our worlds apart are the very things that reveal the bonds that hold us all together. (Reminding me of Nick Bantock's quote, "pain and beauty, our constant bedfellows"). We can't have one without the other.

It is why, amidst the tremendous sorrow of Hailey's memorial, amongst small joys related to the love and support of an amazing group of people who loved Hailey and was present with our family, I felt such gratitude for the blessing of my 96-year old grandfather's attendance. From his nursing home bed, he had announced to my aunt that nothing would keep him from Hailey's memorial service - and that he needed "a new pair of pants, and some money for flowers" and that she could either provide him a ride or he would steal a motorcycle and go on his own. That he made the trip from Boise, Idaho, in spite of back pain and a wheel chair, and other ailments, to be there and show loving support to my Dad and to our family, and that we had time to talk and share in love for a few special moments, will be a memorable peak amidst a very deep valley.

It is a potent reminder that these peaks, these times of doing the important, the right, the very best thing right now, is what life is all about.

June: the month of Pearl, Honeysuckle and Longevity!

June is the month with the longest daylight hours of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. Accordingly, I plan to get a lot done. And most of those efforts will be towards SIMPLIFYING my life --- LIVING MORE NOW through doing, having, and spending LESS.

Since my last post, ummmm, a lot has happened!! A lot of wonderful, life-changing, joy-affirming things. Things that affirm that now, more than ever, additional change needs to happen to achieve even greater consistency between how I live and how I WANT to be living. More importantly than looking backwards, however (I might normally be tempted to play "catch up", being the historian that I am), THIS MONTH, I am looking forward to all that is ahead! And there is a LOT coming down the pike!

Call it spring cleaning (yes, spring arrives late in Seattle), but it is time to clean out, slim down, and prioritize. Too often I feel pulled in a gazillion different directions, and admittedly I become hyperfocused and single track minded at times, so the case might be that occasionally I lose track of the whole and whether THIS or THAT step will get me to where I ultimately want to be going. Time for priorities! Time to focus focus focus. Time to make some significant changes. Time to say NO more often to things and requests that are not consistent with my goals, or with my new dedication to time management. Time to plug back into this blog - a blog about how to LIVE MORE NOW.

So, I welcome the long daylight hours. I embrace June as the month of longevity (and honeysuckle!), and I excitedly declare my intentions to do the following:

1) get a NEW WEBSITE up and going (more on this later)
2) streamline my photography business with a careful action plan (i.e. think STUDIO, think TARGETED promotions, think LESS is MORE).
3) SLIM DOWN. Although I don't specifically mean in lbs, I do intend to slim down when it comes to my cupboards, closets, and various life INBOXES. (think "GETTING THINGS DONE" by David Allen). Doesn't it feel great to continue getting unnecessary STUFF out of your life that takes up unnecessary space AND time! (we have been making progress on this one, but there is always more progress to be made!)
4) continue ERADICATING DEBT (think a combo of Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman, practical, to the point steps. it's hard but not brain surgery.) I have been making good progress in this regard. In a matter of months, all debt (aside from mortgage) will be totally gone.
5) put a plan in place for this blog so that it is more organized, streamlined, and focused.

Some ideas are bubbling... and I am excited to help them unfold. Lots of change is coming, so stay tuned!

Our Wedding Video!!!

We are thrilled beyond words at the work done by Aaron Horton Productions, Inc. in creating our wedding video, below.

What a way to re-live our special day!!

P.S. If a password is required, it's "heatherphil" :) P.P.S. Go give Aaron some love by visiting the "heather + phil" vimeo link shown below the video, "liking" the video and sharing the link with others. I promised him exposure! ;)

(**Also, please scroll to the bottom and pause the live music on my blog before playing video!)

heather + phil from Aaron Horton on Vimeo.

So Grateful

A big huge hug goes out to Phil, who I love more every day and who inspires me in so many ways.

I never dreamed I would find someone so loving, capable, gentle and strong.

Blah Blah Blah

**Place holder picture courtesy of Google.

There is a bunch of stuff that should go right HERE.

So this is a placeholder for that stuff until I can get around to writing it. It is a LOT. It is amazing all that has happened in such a short while in my new life with Phil. Too many wonderful and amazing things to even recount. But life is so very very good.

Until then, I just have to report that gardening is so very very therapeutic. Time outside in the fresh air following winter (although I understand we may have more coming), gets me so excited for sunshine and spring and digging around in the dirt all over my yard.

Just dug around in all my pots, turning over soil, removing debris and dead plants, and getting ready for new ones, like this beautiful new pot by our front door!

Our Story

(For those who have been asking for "the story" - here it is!)

1. Girl sees boy on Match and reads his profile and falls in love with the idea of him. Girl "winks" at boy (you can send "winks" on Match, in case you didn't know).

2. Boy sees wink from girl in his inbox and looks at her profile and thinks uh-oh and winks back immediately and then sends a short, appropriate e-mail to girl introducing himself and then saying "if you'd like to correspond, I'd really like to as well" or something along those lines.

3. Girl and boy correspond for three weeks and become pen pals. They write books to each other almost daily and ignore all other email traffic through Match. Boy tells girl about his work (in a white lab coat), his favorite things, his love of adventure and remodeling and trees, and it pretty much seals the deal. Girl tells boy about her dogs, her neighborhood, her family, and her stand-up paddle experience, and boy falls in love.

4. Boy starts getting pressure from co-workers about when he is going to meet face to face with girl, and so suggests to girl that they meet face to face.

5. Girl gets really nervous, but agrees to meet, despite being afraid of losing her pen pal! (what if he doesn't like me? I would really like to be his friend even if he doesn't want to date! What if he doesn't even want to be my friend any more after we meet? and on and on.)

6. Boy and girl meet, girl talks way too much, boy enjoys seeing girl get nervous, but asks to see her again anyway. Girl gives boy a bar of soap, knowing he collects nice ones.

7. Over the next ten days, boy and girl go on walks, see live music, play with dogs, and eat some food together and really fall in love.

8. Boy and girl have been inseparable since.

9. Boy and girl get engaged.

10. Boy and girl get married.

(When it is right, it really IS that simple!)