Latest Favorite Things

So it's been a little while since I've posted a list of favorite things, and I think it's time for a list again.

As of late, I have some new favorite things:

1. These gluten free pancakes. {Being dairy and gluten free now for several months, I have had to explore a lot of new recipes as of late -- just substitute non dairy options where dairy is called for - personally, I love unsweetened almond milk, and earth balance butter substitute}.

2. Love love love these LL Bean boat and totes. They have been around for awhile now {my mom had one back in the day that I coveted, even as a kid ... a kid with a lot of stuff to tote around}, but I was reminded of them recently when gift-shopping for a sister (with a baby, now) ... and I had to order one myself, in the lovely cedar green.

3. This website, by Ari Meisel, dedicated to doing less. Since this is the year for me to conquer "overwhelm" {i.e. the chronic struggle of taking on too much, and feeling like I constantly need to increase productivity}, it is also the year of outsourcing and doing less. I am dedicated to learning how to get things OFF my to do list. Watch me go! I'll keep you posted on my progress and what I learn along the way. This will be a journey!

4. This cookbook! I am so excited to get it and combine my new world of gluten-free paleo living with my new crock pot {a new-mother MUST HAVE}.

5. For a laugh, this book. My sister read it and said it was funny, and in a moment of desperation, or just middle of the night online shopping, I ordered it, and darn if it isn't funny! As Mindy says herself "This book will take you two days to read. Did you even see the cover? It's mostly pink. If you're reading this book every night for months, something is not right."  That said, you can pick it up at any time of any day and flip to a page, and you are sure to have a laugh {OUT LOUD. And that is the best medicine ever!}

6. These little pocket lip treatments from Fresh. I received them complementary for my birthday from Sephora, and it turns out I love them! Plus, their caps screw on which means they are bound not to end up open at the bottom of my mommy purse mushed all over everything.

7. Call me old school, but check out this darling, and happy {in yellow!} mini day planner from Paper Source. I just adore it -- picked it up the other day, and everything from its color to its size to the design of its pages just makes me happy.

8. Sweet potatoes. Yes, basic, colorful, nutritious sweet potatoes. They continue to be one of my favorite foods and make me happy every time I have one.

9. This organizer from pottery barn. It is a beautiful flat leather pouch, with three pockets. I have loved it! For the longest time I needed something between a wallet and a purse that I could put into the diaper bag - that way I can quickly pull out my mommy essentials when trading diaper bag off to daddy, or needing to run a mommy errand, rather than digging through the depths of the diaper bag to round up my things. I love it.

10. My $6 coffee pot. Yes, it made the list. Some mornings I cannot fathom how certain mommies out there go without caffeine. Especially after some particularly long nights with baby! My trusty little $6 coffee pot (thank you Value Village) makes a mean cup of black coffee, since that's how I take it these days (no dairy, aaah!) I mean seriously, if you're drinking coffee black, it pretty much doesn't matter if it comes out of a cowboy boot or an espresso maker. I just need it strong and FAST. :)

Crying it Out

As I write, my baby boy is crying. We have had an overly full day of running errands and getting things done (as occasionally happens on weekends), and so our little guy has skipped his naps and has a little body full of adrenaline or cortisol or some such chemical that keeps babies fighting with every ounce of their little beings to stay awake when all they really need to be doing is sleeping.

We have only had to have sessions like these a handful of times in the 6 1/2 months since he joined us. And this last one was just as painful as the first. I think I pretty naturally subscribe to the philosophy that if a baby is crying, you pick them up and love them, feed them, change them or soothe them. But some times there is just nothing you can do. And I have learned to spot the days where sleep at night is going to be a challenge. We are in the midst of one such evening right now. The alternative is to stay up and hold him while he cries and out of sheer exhaustion hits and scratches and pinches and wiggles those little limbs to stay awake. And we have already had a straight hour of that, so to avoid losing whatever marbles I may have left, we are just going to have to have a little cry it out session.

It is such a difficult call. As a mom, you know when they reach the point where all they need is to be sleeping. And yet they are literally fighting off sleep with every force that they are capable of calling upon in their little beings ... and any parent out there knows that these little ones come with just as much determination as any of us have in our adult lives.

And, as many books on babies and sleep patterns say, {it is the gosh-darn truth!} ... sleep begets more sleep. And when a baby is short on sleep, it can feel like an unending and very rigorous cycle of attempts to get them back in the sleep zone. We had another such day recently where after a full day of no napping, he refused to go sleep until after 9 pm and then was awake at 5 am the next morning. A healthy sleep pattern for a baby of this age is to go down at 6 pm and wake up at 6 am and then have 3 to 3 1/2 hours of naps during the day. So a day of no sleep leads to less sleep at night and on and on and on and on.

Anyhow, I love attachment-style parenting as much as the next attachment-style parent. I just put this out there into the world to let moms know that as hard as it is, sometimes you may have an evening where you tuck them safely into their crib, and give them your love and close the door and pray to the ancient god of sleep and the setting sun to help them fall asleep. And that is okay {even if you don't believe in the god of sleep and the setting sun}.

His little sobs are subsiding now and I am hearing them only every few minutes. Just in time for daddy to get home {and to have missed the whole darn thing!}.

Sigh.

There Will Be Days Like These ...

There will be days like these ... and I think they must come around to test my patience and my sense of humor.

I think the thing about being a mom that may be the hardest is giving up on getting stuff done. And if you are a do-er and not a be-er, this can make certain days really frustrating.

So I am {slowly} learning to adjust my expectations ... about what can be accomplished in a day, about what the house should look like, about my role as a mom and a working parent. Some days it feels like a mishmash, like all the potatoes corn and meat on my plate got all mixed up into a big messy pile. But I guess that's the beauty AND the difficulty of life - that it doesn't all fit into tidy little compartments.

I am loving the journey, and hope to grow into my evolving self a little more each day. And there will be days like these "not gonna happen" days. And hopefully I can keep trying to remember to be, rather than do.

What I Wish I Had Known Before Baby

Looking back, there are a few things I wish I had known (or at least understood a little better) before baby boy arrived. Of course people are full of all sorts of advice, but it can be difficult to decipher what will actually apply to you. But the reality is that some people really are more skilled than others at dealing with certain stresses (i.e. lack of sleep, shortage of time, general inability to think. I kept waiting for pregnancy brain to go away; but alas, it has been permanently replaced with mommy brain).

Here's the short list of things to think about BEFORE baby arrives:

1. HUMOR. If you don't already have a sense of humor, go get one FAST. It will come in handy on a daily basis if it can be there when called upon. Or if you do have one, spend some time improving upon it. (If all else fails just get the following books, recommended to me by a good friend, and a read a little snippet EVERY DAY - I only wish that I had gotten them sooner! "Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us" or "The Perfect Baby Handbook: A Guide for Excessively Motivated Parents" or "Let's Panic About Babies: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant Who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, and Finally Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being." :)

2. HOUSECLEANING. If you care about a clean house, be prepared to stop caring once baby arrives. There are other far more important things that will need to be done, and for which you may still not have enough time (like showering, or making a meal). And if you can't stop caring about a clean house, PLEASE JUST HIRE YOURSELF A HOUSE CLEANER. (Better yet, hire one BEFORE baby arrives, and test them out for a few weeks to make sure the scenario will work for you). I am dead serious about this one. Because the burden (even if only mental burden) of cleaning the house will always fall to the person with stricter standards, and if that is you (i.e. the person that physically delivered the baby), YOU WILL BE OVERWHELMED BY THE PAPER PILES, LAUNDRY PILES, DIAPER PILES, NURSING AND PUMPING SUPPLY PILES, DISH PILES, MAIL PILES, AND MISCELLANEOUS PILES. (I think you might be getting the picture).

3. SLEEP. When people say "sleep when the baby sleeps," YOU REALLY SHOULD DO IT. This is one of those "do as I say, not what I do" kinda things. :) But this is why number two (housecleaner) comes before number three (naps). If you have a housecleaner then you will feel much more free to nap! It is no fun being 89 hours short on sleep and putting your little one down to nap and then racing around the house like a tornado trying to pick up and do dishes and make a meal and shower and maybe do one of forty nine loads of laundry for the day WHEN ALL YOU REALLY NEED AND WANT TO BE DOING IS TAKING A NAP. Just take the nap already!

4. HOW TO EAT. If you have friends and family that live nearby, AND they also happen to love you, ask one of them to put together a meal plan for you --- i.e. CALL ON OTHERS TO DELIVER YOU YOUR DAILY BREAD FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS following the arrival of baby. The first week you may feel like a pumpkin head (as I did), when EATING a meal feels beyond your abilities, let alone MAKING anything that resembles a meal. Just ask for help already. {See, this is the first place where I will say that for hundreds of thousands of years we evolved in clans and tribes, surrounded by people, including supportive women such as mothers and sisters and aunts and cousins who were automatically by our sides following child birth taking care of EVERYTHING for the first few months, giving us new moms time to heal, care for and get to know our newborns}. Unless you live in a commune or happen to be within a few blocks from family or your closest friends, I am here to say you will very likely feel WOEFULLY unable to do some of the most basic things beyond caring for the needs of your baby. Accomplishing YOUR basic needs (like shaving your legs, combing your hair, or brushing your teeth for longer than 30 seconds) may feel like climbing a mountain on some days, especially the days where your little one won't let you put them down, won't nap or otherwise won't accommodate your schedule. {Welcome to parenting!} If you cannot get help for the first two weeks, then invest heavily in calorie rich freezer foods, snacks and anything that can be prepared using one hand. (Or just hook up to a caffeine IV drip. Looking back, this also seems to be a good option).

5. BABY STUFF. Less is more. All you really need the first month or two are diapers, baby bum cream, wipes, a stack of onesies (including full body onesies), lots of cuddly washable blankies, a few rattles or cloth lovies, a pacifier if you are going that route, and a sleep sheep. (Serious about the sleep sheep - it has helped me as much as my little guy in the sleep department!) Everything else you can beg, borrow or steal to get as the need arises. ;)

6. MOMMY STUFF. If you are breastfeeding, get your basic breastfeeding supplies in order (pump, pump parts, bottles), a nursing pillow (I recommend the Gia nursing pillow over every other one out there!), lanolin cream for those sore nipples, and a water bottle or water cup with straw (Starbucks style, this one has been my favorite!) that you can carry around the house and keep with you at all times. (Also, get it in the larger size). And this may be TMI, but invest in some good granny panties. {Yes, I said it ... big, cozy, oversized granny panties.} There is really nothing worse, regardless of how you deliver, than trying to wear undies that are not UBER comfy in your first few weeks. Just putting that out there to save you any discomfort.

7. DADDY DO'S. Mommy and Daddy will do things differently when it comes to baby. {And that is as it should be, most of the time!} And some of the best advice I received before baby arrived, from two female friends, is that unless what Daddy (or Mommy) is about to do may injure or otherwise present immediate harm for baby, try not to interfere, comment or in any way redirect your spouse or partner. You may be surprised that when it comes to baby, Daddy really does have an opinion about clothing or style or soothing positions. So on the days that Daddy dresses baby, let him apply his own taste in baby style. And if Daddy uses 20 wipes when cleaning up baby's poo, so be it. Have a good laugh and appreciate the efforts. And when your spouse occasionally tries to oversee some of your efforts, let it slide. Appreciate appreciate appreciate that he or she cares. :)

There are many more thoughts floating around in my head about this stuff, but it might overwhelm me and you to try to put them all down, so this will just have to be the start!

The End of "Overwhelm" ...

I don't know about you ... but it feels good just to say that.

How many of us are overwhelmed in our lives, or from time to time even just finding ourselves excusing certain things or "soothing" ourselves by saying, "It's because I'm overwhelmed." (Missing mail, bills, coupons ... it's because I'm overwhelmed. Bank overdraft fee ... it's because I'm overwhelmed. I ate six oatmeal cookies today instead of two balanced meals ... it's because I'm overwhelmed.) Right?! Right. These are not made up scenarios.

How does it feel to say, "the end of overwhelm." It feels kinda nutty to admit this, but even just saying that makes me feel better!

I have had a few years now of OVERWHELM. I let things pile up. I let "business" turn into busy-ness. I went through some emotionally difficult things. I had some massive changes in life --- remodel. divorce. opening my own law firm. growing my photography business. marriage. multiple deaths in our family. miscarriages. baby. Lots of BIG LIFE STUFF, right? And we ALL face these things, or other difficult things at various points. I am not saying these are unusual challenges. But in the midst of some of this stuff, I found myself repeating a certain saying, or rather excuse .... "it's because I'm overwhelmed."

Well guess what, I'm tired of OVERWHELM! I have let it take too big a position at my already overcrowded dinner table! This is the year where I eliminate overwhelm. I am a mom now, and I have very little room for silly excuses, especially ones that take time out of my life and away from things like time with my husband and family.

It's time for action - specifically, getting things OFF my to-do list. I don't need to do more, get more done or be more productive (which is something I have been telling myself for years). I need to do less of most things and more of what really matters.

I think this will be the year to OUTSOURCE. That's another word that is already making me feel happier.

Progress report coming soon.

PS. Photo above by yours truly, {Heather Pearce Photography}.  I love this image - it gives me breathing space, peace and hope.

January 1, 2013 ... oh my!

As I sit here I cannot believe we have rounded the corner into another year! I keep waiting for life to slow down, but it doesn't (surprise, I know!). Since my last post, I have logged in to my "lonely little blog" only to feel kind of depressed about how much I have neglected it (along with all the paper piles in my life), and so I promptly log back out. But there is so much to say ... so much to talk about, so much to remember ... and just not enough hours in the day.

But then every time I think that phrase ("not enough hours in the day"), I get frustrated at myself all over again and think "I HAVE JUST AS MANY HOURS IN THE DAY AS THE NEXT PERSON ... and THAT includes EINSTEIN, and MOZART, and ABRAHAM LINCOLN." And then I swear (Dammit). 

But seriously, life is so very good, and I have so much to be grateful for. And I am going to start grabbing a few minutes (or seconds) when I have them. Because too many times I think to myself, I will blog/call a friend/do something or other "when I have an hour" ... and when can I ever find a solid hour? As a mom to a 6 month old, it feels pretty rare these days. So I am going to have to settle for "five minutes" or even "one minute" occasionally, because guess what, even in ONE HOT MINUTE, I can say QUITE A BIT. (Those mad 93 words per minute typing skills were bound to come in handy some time). 

So to start down my little blogging path again, I am here to say I am so very grateful. Grateful for my hubby. Grateful that we can laugh, and tease (and pinch), and snooze, and work, and clean, and (occasionally) fight, and make-up and parent side by side. I am so very grateful that we get to enjoy the most beautiful baby boy I have ever laid eyes on (of course I am biased). I am so very grateful that I get to feel his juicy little legs and arms and buns and cheeks squirming and wiggling and growing, and hear his laughter and little voice throughout my days. 

I am so very grateful that Phil's mom is here and able to spend time with us and her beautiful grandson. I am so very grateful that she continues to survive cancer - fighting and enduring every day and giving us and Aiden her love and energy. 

I am so very grateful that I get to create portraits for people in the photography side of my world, and help them to document and enjoy their families and babies. It takes on a whole new meaning for me now that I am also a mother. 

I am so very grateful that I get to help people move past problems, in the legal side of my world. The last couples years I have helped to fight numerous legal battles which have allowed businesses (and the individuals behind them) to stay afloat. This work alone has made my legal degree worth it. I am so very grateful that with my dispute resolution experience I am able to help clients resolve problems and get through certain legal processes quickly with as little pain as possible (even in some of the most difficult times, such as dissolving a marriage). Even if I can't always bring joy, I believe that lessening the pain that people experience is a worthy goal. And I am so very grateful to get to do that in my work. 

I am so very grateful for health - for the health of loved ones, for my health, for access to the knowledge and resources to live a more healthy life. Health, when you have it, is such a blessing. I just need to say out loud, I am grateful for it. 

I am so very grateful for friends and family -- for all the wonderful people in my life who make it such a rewarding one. Every year when I get ready to send out holiday cards, I think to myself that I need to set aside a week to truly catch up with people and put messages down to all those I'd like to reach out to. But sometimes a simple postcard with a few words will just have to do. I know that people understand and forgive, and I am so very grateful for that as well. 

And with that, my time is up! My sweetie is asleep on the couch, and I need to go cuddle him.

I hope that 2012 was good to you. And I wish you health and happiness and lots of energy in 2013! (Because that's what I wish for myself, too!) Much love. xoxo

Dearest Ivan

So baby boy decided not to take his second nap today. He also pooped in the tub. And I think he is teething ... it has been quite a day!! I just had to get that out to provide the critical highlights to my day before catching up on ... well, the YEAR. (I am sure, however, that I will run out of time before I am even able to get going on my year!)

It is quiet right now, and I am at my sister, Ashley's house. I am borrowing her robe after the bath referenced above (complete with baby poop). Our family was all together again this past weekend for the first time in quite awhile to celebrate the life of our adored grandpa, Grandpa Ivan Shannon Pearce.

If one were to properly write a summary of his life, it would be written in all colors available to writing utensils, and would require at least a thousand pounds of paper. The stories comprising Grandpa's life are varied, many, and can never probably truly be captured in quite the way that Grandpa would tell them. He had such a way with words. And he had the most amazing sense of humor.

Following every visit with my Grandpa I would always ask my dad (hopefully) whether Grandpa's humor improved with age. I was always a little bummed to learn that no, he has ALWAYS been that funny. (I was holding out hope that my own sense of humor would ripen with age). Anyhow, Grandpa was stinkin' funny. He had a way of both surprising and charming you while also tickling your funny bone. It was a rare gift, I must say. (And I know more and more where my own father comes from).

His memorial weekend was a very special one -- photos to come soon once I get them processed. I will miss my grandpa so much, but am somewhat relieved that he is no longer in the assisted living center, believing at times that he was being held hostage and looking for ways to escape (and run across the border). Grandpa had his lucid moments, but more and more I think we could see that his time was coming nearer. He was just such a force of nature in life, it was hard to conceive of his end. Of course I am not sure that I believe in any real "ending" - just that his life as we know it and as he knew it came to an end.

But I believe that he is somewhere, still riding horses, roping bears, charming babies, gardening, and trying to convince John Wayne to give up alcohol and womanizing. That's our Grandpa. And he will be missed so much.

As for the rest of the year... I will have to catch up on that later. I am off to attempt some sleep.