Every day I mourn the loss of Hailey. I still cannot accept the idea that she is gone, and I look for her everywhere - in my dreams, in visits from unusual birds, and anywhere else where I might see a glimpse of her beauty, her slight, elegant presence, and her joy.
The irony of losing someone, especially someone like Hailey, so young and beautiful and full of life, is that along with the heavy lump of stone lodged in the stomach and the heart, is the reminder that life is to be lived in the now, out of beauty and joy, acceptance and light.
It is a big reminder to lighten up - figuratively and literally. Too often (especially recently) I feel weighted down with ideas, internal struggles, and the stuff of life. I want to open doors and closets in my mind and in my life and see space. It may not make any sense, but I want all the room I need for the fullness of living today. It reminds me of a favorite image and quote from an old advertisement I found years ago that I plastered to the side of my home-made photography portfolio case, which simply said, "Travel light."
And I want to more quickly let go of the little slights, the disappointments, the hurt feelings that come along with simply being human. I imagine the grace of older women (and some older men) who have truly learned how to live life in beauty and grace - and I think mostly this requires acceptance and developing the art of letting go. Foregoing the struggle of trying to shape things, and instead simply accepting what needs accepting, and letting go of the rest.
Hailey reminds me that tomorrow is too late to develop these habits -- today is the time to let go, to live in joy, and to travel light.
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2 comments:
Oh Heather. I can only imagine what you and your family must be going through. It is so hard to grasp and understand. I admire your attitude and appreciate your words. I can identify on some level and I think of you all the time. I love you and am so looking forward to seeing you!
Heather, it's been so.long. since we communicated, and I've read your last couple of posts, and OBVIOUSLY you've been going through so very very much. I always felt such a kindred spirit connection to you through our industries and our blogs, and coincidentally, I lost my grandmother in May. She was one of my best friends. I am torn over the loss of our sister, and of your grandmother, and of your miscarriages. I'm just.... speechless. But I send love and light and hope your way. Email me if you have the energy or the want-to. Blessings to you and your family. My heart aches for all of you.
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