What I Wish I Had Known Before Baby

Looking back, there are a few things I wish I had known (or at least understood a little better) before baby boy arrived. Of course people are full of all sorts of advice, but it can be difficult to decipher what will actually apply to you. But the reality is that some people really are more skilled than others at dealing with certain stresses (i.e. lack of sleep, shortage of time, general inability to think. I kept waiting for pregnancy brain to go away; but alas, it has been permanently replaced with mommy brain).

Here's the short list of things to think about BEFORE baby arrives:

1. HUMOR. If you don't already have a sense of humor, go get one FAST. It will come in handy on a daily basis if it can be there when called upon. Or if you do have one, spend some time improving upon it. (If all else fails just get the following books, recommended to me by a good friend, and a read a little snippet EVERY DAY - I only wish that I had gotten them sooner! "Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us" or "The Perfect Baby Handbook: A Guide for Excessively Motivated Parents" or "Let's Panic About Babies: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant Who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, and Finally Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being." :)

2. HOUSECLEANING. If you care about a clean house, be prepared to stop caring once baby arrives. There are other far more important things that will need to be done, and for which you may still not have enough time (like showering, or making a meal). And if you can't stop caring about a clean house, PLEASE JUST HIRE YOURSELF A HOUSE CLEANER. (Better yet, hire one BEFORE baby arrives, and test them out for a few weeks to make sure the scenario will work for you). I am dead serious about this one. Because the burden (even if only mental burden) of cleaning the house will always fall to the person with stricter standards, and if that is you (i.e. the person that physically delivered the baby), YOU WILL BE OVERWHELMED BY THE PAPER PILES, LAUNDRY PILES, DIAPER PILES, NURSING AND PUMPING SUPPLY PILES, DISH PILES, MAIL PILES, AND MISCELLANEOUS PILES. (I think you might be getting the picture).

3. SLEEP. When people say "sleep when the baby sleeps," YOU REALLY SHOULD DO IT. This is one of those "do as I say, not what I do" kinda things. :) But this is why number two (housecleaner) comes before number three (naps). If you have a housecleaner then you will feel much more free to nap! It is no fun being 89 hours short on sleep and putting your little one down to nap and then racing around the house like a tornado trying to pick up and do dishes and make a meal and shower and maybe do one of forty nine loads of laundry for the day WHEN ALL YOU REALLY NEED AND WANT TO BE DOING IS TAKING A NAP. Just take the nap already!

4. HOW TO EAT. If you have friends and family that live nearby, AND they also happen to love you, ask one of them to put together a meal plan for you --- i.e. CALL ON OTHERS TO DELIVER YOU YOUR DAILY BREAD FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS following the arrival of baby. The first week you may feel like a pumpkin head (as I did), when EATING a meal feels beyond your abilities, let alone MAKING anything that resembles a meal. Just ask for help already. {See, this is the first place where I will say that for hundreds of thousands of years we evolved in clans and tribes, surrounded by people, including supportive women such as mothers and sisters and aunts and cousins who were automatically by our sides following child birth taking care of EVERYTHING for the first few months, giving us new moms time to heal, care for and get to know our newborns}. Unless you live in a commune or happen to be within a few blocks from family or your closest friends, I am here to say you will very likely feel WOEFULLY unable to do some of the most basic things beyond caring for the needs of your baby. Accomplishing YOUR basic needs (like shaving your legs, combing your hair, or brushing your teeth for longer than 30 seconds) may feel like climbing a mountain on some days, especially the days where your little one won't let you put them down, won't nap or otherwise won't accommodate your schedule. {Welcome to parenting!} If you cannot get help for the first two weeks, then invest heavily in calorie rich freezer foods, snacks and anything that can be prepared using one hand. (Or just hook up to a caffeine IV drip. Looking back, this also seems to be a good option).

5. BABY STUFF. Less is more. All you really need the first month or two are diapers, baby bum cream, wipes, a stack of onesies (including full body onesies), lots of cuddly washable blankies, a few rattles or cloth lovies, a pacifier if you are going that route, and a sleep sheep. (Serious about the sleep sheep - it has helped me as much as my little guy in the sleep department!) Everything else you can beg, borrow or steal to get as the need arises. ;)

6. MOMMY STUFF. If you are breastfeeding, get your basic breastfeeding supplies in order (pump, pump parts, bottles), a nursing pillow (I recommend the Gia nursing pillow over every other one out there!), lanolin cream for those sore nipples, and a water bottle or water cup with straw (Starbucks style, this one has been my favorite!) that you can carry around the house and keep with you at all times. (Also, get it in the larger size). And this may be TMI, but invest in some good granny panties. {Yes, I said it ... big, cozy, oversized granny panties.} There is really nothing worse, regardless of how you deliver, than trying to wear undies that are not UBER comfy in your first few weeks. Just putting that out there to save you any discomfort.

7. DADDY DO'S. Mommy and Daddy will do things differently when it comes to baby. {And that is as it should be, most of the time!} And some of the best advice I received before baby arrived, from two female friends, is that unless what Daddy (or Mommy) is about to do may injure or otherwise present immediate harm for baby, try not to interfere, comment or in any way redirect your spouse or partner. You may be surprised that when it comes to baby, Daddy really does have an opinion about clothing or style or soothing positions. So on the days that Daddy dresses baby, let him apply his own taste in baby style. And if Daddy uses 20 wipes when cleaning up baby's poo, so be it. Have a good laugh and appreciate the efforts. And when your spouse occasionally tries to oversee some of your efforts, let it slide. Appreciate appreciate appreciate that he or she cares. :)

There are many more thoughts floating around in my head about this stuff, but it might overwhelm me and you to try to put them all down, so this will just have to be the start!